u wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs, full of excitement. somebody is stealing all of your christmas presents. it is jesus. “its my birthday, not yours” he hisses menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms
"How much money does college cost in America?"
Every time I get out of my car I scream ‘ALRIGHT SON LET’S GO’ to a son I don’t have about an adventure we aren’t going on
can we skip school and university and go to the part where i become a princess
can i put “has incredibly correct opinions about harry potter” on a resumé